Opportunity and False Hope

If you have read the “About Me” section, you will know that I received my Bachelors in Communications and Culture.

My ability to efficiently communicate was the reason that I was able to quickly attain a new position at my job. I started off in a position that I knew would open many opportunities and when I found an open door, I walked straight through it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as glorious I had hope and it has brought more stress and chaos into my life than I had originally hoped.

Recently a friend of mine informed me that my DREAM job was opening up in the department she works in: Marketing. A world that I am so familiar with because of my previous experience at my job in the radio world. I put all of my fears and timidness aside and decided that I would reach out to the Department Manager to inquire about the position. Many emails later…and I was sitting in front of her…laughing…talking about things we had in common…food… my weakness’ and strengths… why I wanted to work for the department. I felt so comfortable and left feeling a sense of accomplishment. I had actually gone for what I wanted. I felt that I had a really great shot. A month later, I had my second interview with the Department Manager and the Department Coordinator. It went just as well as the first interview and I really felt that I had a GREAT chance of getting the job. In fact, I felt so confident that I had most likely gotten the job that I was ballsy enough to tell my co-workers that I had applied for another job and felt as if I would probably putting my two weeks in soon.

Then, the same friend who had recommended me for the position told me that they were making their decisions. I inquired about who else I was up against and that is when everything started falling apart. Not only was I up against someone who I know and is very well loved where we are employed…but I was up against someone who already worked in the same department I was applying for. My friend mentioned that this person claimed she did not want the job and was extremely happy in her current position. But, I later found out that the same people who were interviewing me were really fighting to steal her from her current position within that department. We’ll just call this person “the wanted” for now. My heart sank. I was told that the people interviewing me were fighting with this person’s current boss because he really wanted to keep her in the position. I felt disheartened.

A knife being jabbed into my stomach. That’s what it felt like.

I still hadn’t received a letter of rejection and my friend told me to keep my hopes up. I did. Until Monday when my friend told me they had pulled that “the wanted” into the Managers office for quite a while. Yesterday, I began doing research and went onto the job posting site for our place of employment. And there in front of me I found the confirmation that I needed. A job posting for the current position that person I was up against held. Sometimes it is best to let things be until you get that confirmation from the direct party themselves. However, I was too anxious at this point. I found myself spiraling into a feeling of non-self-worth.

Not only had I felt that this opportunity was mine to grab…I actually felt like I was great enough to attain my ultimate goal only to realize that the hope I had to get this job was false all along. At this point, I feel as if I am going to be stuck in this rut of a job for some time. And I feel disillusioned to the fact I tried my best and my best wasn’t good enough.

Hopefully, this negativity will fade quickly. But for now, I wallow in the fact that I was set up for disappointment from the beginning.

Until next time.

xo

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